i read my friend balot’s recent blog and it got me thinking: how much of an optimist am i?am i the sort who views the world with rose-coloured glasses or do i see it in black and white? do i see the glass half-full or half-empty? is the apostolic “faith and hope” part of my creed or do i subscribe to nietzsche’s abject condemnation of these man-made concepts?
to those who know me best, i am beset with the malaise of perpetual cheer. fortunately (or otherwise), i manage to sift some dose of humor from the direst of situations. to me, there is always an end to the tunnel and always a glimmer of light flickering at the end of the tunnel. ergo, all that one has to do to get to the light is to keep crawling. one happy-been-lucky puppy-that’s me.
yet there are also those who know me as the harbinger of doom. there is a perpetual crease between my eyebrows that is both congenital and the by-product of constant worrying. i never expect the best without preparing for the worst. forewarned is forearmed. clients are presented with a variety of permutations to any given set of conditions to avoid complacency and carelessness. what if the tunnel has been blocked or sealed? what if you get too exhausted that you cannot crawl anymore?
in college, my favorite subjects were mathematical logic and existentialism. mathematical logic was fun because you can always find a solution to a problem. since there are fundamental principles to go by, in the end, the equation balances out. but existentialism was interesting because you can always find a problem with every solution. the foundations are torn down and everything you thought you knew becomes fair game. there are only uncertainties and infinite possibilities. the sky’s not even a limit.
i ponder upon my question once more and well, i must be an opti-pest (or a pessi-opt?), with a slight inclination towards optimism. I used to wear glasses, but i have long since discarded them so i can have a clearer vision of the colourful world around me. i drink my liquids straight up so that the glass is either full or empty. i have faith in the goodness of man and i hope for a brighter future, but i also believe nietzsche when he says that convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.
i gaze up and i see that the sky appears too expansive to measure, too high to reach. i form an “o” with my thumb and forefinger and the sky seems to fit inside it. but i no longer care to find out about the rest. all i know is that i love looking up at the big beautiful sky outside my window. and that right now, my solitary dimple is brightening up my smile. that, to me, is enough.
